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3:15AM: Decide the window is the worst possible place in the house and run away, making sure I trample lady human’s head on my way across the bed.
4:50AM: Knowing that the alarm is going to go off in an hour, decide it’s the best time ever to start making noise to wake the humans up. So I paw at the door and meow like I’m injured until one of them gets up.
5:00AM: Run to my food dish when the man human gets up to see what’s going on. Look at it longingly like I’m the most mistreated cat in the world because only one side of my food dish is full. Get fed even more and watch the man human go back to bed, deciding this is what I should do every. single. morning. ever.
5:15am: Lounge around with a full belly until the humans and the dogs are awake.
6:15AM: Sprawl out in the middle of the kitchen floor where everyone is most likely to step on me while the humans are trying to make breakfast.
6:18AM: Almost get stepped on. Act like I’m terrified until the lady human gives me treats.
6:20AM: Eat dog food because I’m starving.
7:00AM: Wait until one of the humans sits down at the computer and casually stroll over to them. Nuzzle their ankles and then head to the back door. Start meowing until I get their attention.
7:05AM: Get told I’m not going out. Continue meowing. Strut my stuff and nuzzle everything in sight.
7:10AM: Get told I’m not a dog. Continue meowing. Nuzzle more.
7:15AM: Get told they’ll take me out later. Continue meowing. Roll on my back and stare up with the saddest kitty eyes ever.
7:20AM: They take me outside. Success is mine!
7:35AM: Get tired of chasing bugs, rolling around in grass and eating it, and scouting the perimeter of the fence so I sit by the back door to oversee the backyard. Humans take this as an invitation to go back inside. I claw the lady human who ushers me inside and then go inside anyway.
8:00AM: Decide it’s time for a nap and sleep for hours.
11:30AM: Come running to the kitchen when I hear the humans making lunch because they’re using the can opener. I’m positive it’s tuna for me.
11:31AM: Find out it’s not tuna. Stalk away angrily and resume my nap.
3:15PM: Decide I’m hungry. Meow until a human comes towards me and run away to my food dish. Watch them check my food, see I still have two sides of the food dish full and walk away shaking their head.
3:16PM: Plot revenge.
3:30PM: Attack dog tail for no reason. Get stepped on by the larger one and decide it’s a bad idea.
3:35PM: Attack dog toy’s instead. Spend 20 minutes rolling around, clawing, and chewing on anything fuzzy.
4:00PM: Run away from the vacuum and hide. Plot it’s demise from around a corner.
4:45PM: Meow at the door to go out again.
5:00PM: No one comes. Plot more revenge.
5:30PM: Hear the humans in the kitchen again. Run in, knowing that it’s for sure tuna this time.
5:31PM: Not tuna. Again. What the $*&! is wrong with them?! Sprawl out on the middle of the floor again. Partly to look sweet and cute and totally deserving of tuna, but mostly just to be a pain.
5:35PM: Stick around for meal time. Sniff every. single. thing. Silverware, napkins, different foods, plates, beverages, fingers, paper – you name it, I smell it.
5:45PM: Eat more dog food.
6:30PM: Give meowing to get more food even though I still have a ton one more go.
6:32PM: No one comes. Plot even more revenge.
6:45PM: Give meowing to go outside another go. They only let me go out for 10 minutes.
6:55PM: Claw lady human again as she brings me in. Decide revenge is best served with claws.
8:30PM: Go in and out of the bedroom as I please for an hour even though the lady human is trying to cuddle with me.
9:45PM: Finally decide to sleep on the bed in the complete opposite corner of the lady human and where the man human’s legs are supposed to be.
11:59PM: Decide that repeating the day’s events is probably the best idea I’ve ever had.
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And that is how most days are spent with our cat. Does your cat have any weird attributes?